Blue

This one of my image and self-reflection experiments.  For those who simply enjoy my photography, don't worry - the images themselves will still keep coming.  My goal is to reach a little further to combine two personal interests of mine and make a little more difference (see: fav.me/d6ueow0 ). As always, feedback (positive or negative) is always appreciated.

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This is the fourth in a mini-series of self-reflection pieces - please see the first piece here (Intro to A-B-C)

and the second piece here (defining "A","B", and "C")


The third piece is here:  (the B-C connection)

This is the fourth, and final piece specific to the ABC concept.  Later posts will use ABC as a root concept to further develop other reflection approaches.


As promised, this will be a comprehensive example of a real use of ABC.

I like using the example of traffic and a bad driver situation.  On my way home from work, there's a certain intersection that has two left hand turning lanes.  The furthest left, we'll call it lane 1, continues straight ahead after the intersection and is the lane that myself and most drivers actually need.  The right hand lane of the two turning lanes, we'll call it lane 2, only has about 500 feet after the intersetion before becoming a mandatory right-hand turning lane into a housing subdivision.  I've learned over my time in living in this city, and taking this route to and from work countless times, that many drivers will stop in lane 2 at the intersection while waiting for the red light when they actually need to be in lane 1 to get where they need to go after the intersection.  What this leads to are dangerous situations immediately after the intersection when those drivers suddenly decide to merge into the lane 1 traffic, sometimes (read usually) without signaling or safe separation.  One particular day on my way home I ended up being the second or third vehicle in lane 1 waiting for the red light to turn green.  While sitting there, another car pulled up into lane 2 and immediately my spidey sense started tingling.  You know the one I'm talking about - the one that tells you that something is going to happen, something is going to go wrong.  In this case, that that driver was going to do something stupid and cut me off.  I started getting angry just thinking about it. Here I was, in the proper lane, properly planning so I wouldn't have to merge after the intersection, taking consideration for the other drivers on the road by getting in line in lane 1 and patiently awaiting my turn - and here was this other driver, pulling up in lane 2, obviously instead of planning to be in the correct lane was instead planning on cutting ME off following the intersection.  Well, this was my spot in traffic and I would suffer for none of it.  Being the perfectly upstanding example of a driver that I was at that moment (read with sarcasm) - I decided to tailgate the car ahead of me in order to protect what was my position in traffic.  The light turned green.  The car in front of me released its brakes and like we were driving in formation I released mine and hit the gas.  I was as close as I felt was safe for me to follow the car ahead of me, which in reality was already probably too close.  But I was confident that I was protecting what was mine, my space in traffic in that lane.  We passed through the intersection, the offending vehicle was just slightly ahead of me, but I was following the car in my lane - there was no way that other car would cut me off.  Suddenly it did.  There's no way it would fit, no way another driver would be that foolish.  But it cut into my lane nonetheless, into that space which I didn't dare follow closer - into the space which was already too small for legitimately safe following.  The car might have had its turn signal on (though I doubt it) - the reason that I don't know is because it cut me off so closely that I could not actually see the taillights when it cut into my space.  I honked my horn.  I hit my brakes.  I tailgated the car.  I honked again.  I'm certain that all nature of profanities came spewing out of my mouth but I wouldn't dare repeat them here.  Very shortly afterwards the car disappeared down a side road and minutes later I was home.  My hands were still shaking from rage, but I was home - and I was upset, very upset.

Why am I sharing this with you?  Because it's about my best example of what it means to use ABC, and it really happened. 

So, what made me so angry?  And why was I so upset?  Most importantly - what can I do about it?  It was really quite unpleasant to be that upset.  I can't imagine someone wanting to feel that way.  I really wanted to know the what and the why.  I started by considering the ABC tool.  Like I describe in the second post ( fav.me/d6v4n53 ) I analyzed the activating event (the "A") - I described the situation to myself in non-judgmental, impartial terms. Another driver cut me off in traffic at what I considered an unsafe distance. I knew the results, the consequence (the "C") of the situation. I felt severe anger and anxiety.  It would be easy to say that I felt that anger and anxiety because the driver cut me off, to place the responsibility of my emotions on that other driver, that stranger - to give that unknown person that power to control my feelings.  The more difficult thing to do is to take responsibility myself and really consider why I (specifically I) got angry in that situation.  We also know from my third post ( fav.me/d6v4n4o ) that there is usually a specific connection between the thoughts/beliefs (the "B") about an event and the resulting emotions following that event. In this case since I felt anger and anxiety I knew to look for some kind of thoughts related to trespass and danger. It was actually pretty easy and you can see it in my narrative above. I believed that the other driver had trespassed against me by taking what I felt was my spot in traffic (which led to my anger).  And I also believed that the other driver had caused a very unsafe situation by cutting me off with such a small separation (which led to my anxiety).  Ok, I guess that many of you are thinking "no, duh" and "so, what?"  Well here's the so what.  While I took the time to sit in my driveway and go through this ABC reflection, my hands stopped shaking.  I had time to move from an emotional state to a logical state.  What I didn't do was continue to act impulsively.  More proactively, what I did do was consider what can I do in the future.  I considered just how angry I got, and just how anxious I got - and over what?  Protecting what I felt was my space in traffic?  So what?  Once I got to that root of the emotional triggers, I decided not to consider that to be my spot in traffic anymore.  Old habits die hard, and I still sometimes start to feel the same feelings at that intersection on my way home - but I take a deep breath and remember going through the ABC.  And when I feel like a driver is going to act that way again and is going to cut me off - I leave a space and simply let them merge.  It still frustrates me sometimes, but that frustration is nothing compared to the rage I felt that day.  That same rage I would have likely felt a hundred more times if I hadn't taken the time to really sit down and think about it.  It was definitely worth my time.  I highly encourage you to remember this tool and take the time to go through it as well.

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Feel free to message or comment on both, or either, of the photograph and/or the reflection.  Add me to your watch list to see more of both and please share with your friends.

Comment/Critique/Faves are all highly appreciated. Do you like the combination of imagery and reflections?  Useful?  Distracting?  Please let me know your thoughts one way or another, thanks.

Please do not use or reproduce my images without my permission.

Thanks
~Mike